Please be advised: The artworks and stories below reflect some of the darker periods of my life. The themes explored throughout this page include depression, substance abuse, self harm, and negative thoughts.
These subjects can be heavy, and this content may not be for everyone. If you feel this is not something you want to engage with right now, that is completely understandable.
For me, these experiences and emotions are part of my story and part of life. They have shaped the way I see the world and are therefore reflected in my work. Because of that, I would like to share the ideas and stories behind these pieces here.
Please continue at your own discretion. Take care and stay safe :)
Pieces Of Mind - 2023
This piece was created in Dublin, Ireland, during a time when I was feeling very low and had developed a genuine hatred for myself. This was caused by a combination of being unsatisfied with my current direction in life and my seeming inability to steer myself towards a healthier path. Instead, I was tearing myself apart over every little perceived mistake I had ever made.
I started seeing a psychologist during this time to help me work through these feelings. This helped me begin being kinder to myself and slowly start walking down a healthier path in life.
In this artwork, you can see a round mirror shattering into pieces, revealing a darkness behind it. The many shards explode away from the centre and outwards through the composition. This was the first time I created a work that was truly focused on my self image. Aside from the way I perceived myself, I also had to confront the fact that I had always avoided drawing faces. Because of this, I tried to draw myself from many different, often unflattering, angles to practice sketching faces while also capturing my fragmented emotional state.
The shards flying out of the composition represent my inability at the time to properly handle my emotions. Instead of processing my thoughts and feelings, I felt overwhelmed by them. The mirror became a symbol of my relationship with myself and the way my own perception of self could distort reality.
At the time of creating this work, whenever I looked into the mirror I would see a flat, emotionless face that was really tired of going out to work every day and telling people I was doing fine. On the inside, I wanted to scream, thrash, destroy, cry, fight, and run.
I did not like what I saw in the mirror at the time. To myself, I was a disappointing failure wearing a smiling mask while pretending to be fine. This work helped me explore and express these feelings, allowing me to better understand them.
These days, I have more sympathy for the person I see in the mirror. I still feel these emotions; they are a part of me. But I also know that my thoughts are not always the truth, and that it is my actions that define me.
The realisation that we cannot always trust our own perception of ourselves pushed me to learn to be kinder to myself and treat myself as I would treat a friend. I am feeling much better these days, and working on this piece helped me get there.
Look What You Have - 2021
While I was living in Bulgaria for my studies, it marked the first time in my life that I was isolated from my friends and family for a long period of time, without the ability to quickly visit them. I also found myself surrounded by people from various countries and ethnic backgrounds. During this time, I realized how privileged I am in certain areas, one of these was having a stable and loving home life with understanding and supportive parents and family. This safety net I grew up with has allowed me to be brave, take risks, and explore the world with the knowledge that I have a safe place to fall back on.
For me, I spend a lot of time in my own head thinking and overthinking, about the past and the future. Often this means thinking about who and where I am now, where I would like to be, and how to get there. Too much of this rumination can lead me to get stuck in my own head and feel sad or melancholic.
This artwork is about the reality that sometimes we spend so much time looking ahead to future things, things that we feel we want or need to achieve, that we forget to appreciate the good things around us. It is a reminder not to forget what we already have. You might just lose yourself while dreaming.
In the image, my small character stands in a field of red roses surrounded by high mountains. The subject looks up at the stars in the sky, which represent distant dreams and desires. The character is so lost in thoughts of longing that they do not notice they are surrounded by beautiful roses, representing the treasures we already possess, such as the love of the people close to us, the adventures we have had, the roof over our head, the food on our table, and our dearest possessions. We are often richer than we realize, if only we pause to try and see for a while.
My Life In Circles - 2019
This was the first large scale artwork I created, developed as part of a personal exploration during my bachelor’s studies. The project began as an exercise in self analysis, where I attempted to map out my thoughts, dreams, and inner states in a series of circles in order to better understand myself and my direction in life.
At the time, I was struggling with my mental state and sense of identity. I was often coping through substance use while trying to keep up with my studies, feeling disconnected from my own sense of motivation and self worth. The structure of the assignment gave me a reason to continue working and made it possible for me to engage with my thoughts through drawing.
The work was created entirely in a local coffeeshop, where I spent long periods of time working whilst high in social isolation. This environment became part of the process itself, reflecting a period of social withdrawal and internal focus. This was one of the darkest periods of my life where my insecurities were amplified by my unhealthy lifestyle, however, this project also serves as a turning point where I confront myself and try to work towards something better.
The circles function as containers for different thoughts, memories, and fantasies. They explore themes such as lost love, loss, time, uncertainty, and personal direction. Together, they form a fragmented map of my inner world at that time.
Walking In Circles - 2020
This continuation of the circle project builds on the first edition, which looks at my journey as a young person in the world and the search for peace within uncertainty and the unknown. This piece focuses more on the way I view myself and how I believe I should approach this journey.
At this time, I had made the decision to start working with a psychologist and attended group therapy to quit smoking weed, as it was not a sustainable way for me to live. There was shame in admitting my addictions, but I found that instead of judging and condemning me, the people who cared about me offered support and encouragement. I learned that one of the bravest things a person can do is to confront their shortcomings and work towards improvement. Because of this, this artwork explores the concept of self improvement and looks at different philosophies that could help me live a healthier life. In this work, I also proved to myself that I did not need to be high on weed to create art. This might seem obvious, but at the time it was a significant insecurity of mine.
In these circles, you will find an exploration of the search for balance and the idea that each challenge conquered opens up new opportunities for growth in the future. I explore the importance of taking time to absorb what you learn, and the ability to return to ideas later if things do not work out. There is also an emphasis on the importance of friends and family, more experienced people who may show you the way, as well as a confrontation of how I view myself and my habits. The concept of death and finality also looms over everything I do.
While the mood of the piece is more hopeful and focused on building a better future for myself, there is also the realization that my addictions and negative thoughts still define me in many ways and permeate my daily life as I struggle to find a healthier balance.
Breaking Circles - 2020
This third edition of my circle project feels empty in comparison to the other works. In my opinion, this is due to two things. On the one hand, there was an exhibition I was invited to participate in, which introduced a deadline for finishing the work. On the other hand, this was also the third circle drawing within a year, and I noticed that I was simply running out of ideas on certain subjects. Because of this, this version feels less cohesive and focuses more on isolated feelings and events.
There are still dreams, my love for my friends, and for my dogs. But my insecurities also appear more strongly in this drawing. Insecurities about how death and corruption affect and influence everything I do. How I desperately try to hold on to everything that is beautiful and good, while feeling as though I am losing it all. There is still uncertainty and a lack of self confidence, along with the cigarettes and alcohol I used to suppress it.
Despite these darker thoughts, nature still breaks through and continues its course within the work. Looking back at it now, this feels like a subtle reflection of my appreciation for the natural world around me, and how I often find my sense of peace in nature.
I think that this work also marks the moment where I start feeling restricted by the circles. Where at first they provided the structure in which I could frame and explore my thoughts they have become a limiting factor and from here on I will start exploring ways to break free of them.
While there is a certain sense of fatigue in this piece, I believe that this is also very fitting in the grander scheme of things. Since the circle projects is a personal exploration of my thoughts and dreams it is likely that it will be an ongoing journey for as long as I live. Not only does it show my progress as an artist but also the very real fact that I tired of all the thoughts running through my mind and that if i pick at them relentlessly that I will eventually burn out.
The funny thing is that later iterations of the circle project are actually spaced increasingly further apart. I think this indicates an increasing complexity in the concepts that I tackle inside my own head but also the simple fact that I tend to need this type of reflection more during the darker periods of my life and that over time these have been less frequent.
Trapped In Circles - 2021
With the fourth version of my circle project, I had to confront the realisation that periods of improvement and growth are often followed by periods of regression and struggle. I understand that this balance is part of life and that it gives meaning to our existence, but at times I find it difficult to accept. When you are in a positive period of your life, it is easy to forget that you are still human, with flaws and limitations. Being confronted with this reality after feeling like you were improving can be a difficult experience.
In this work, I forced myself to confront deeper parts of my psyche. I had to accept that a year of self improvement and healthier habits could not erase years of insecurities and unresolved emotions. These parts of myself still needed to be confronted, understood, and accepted in order to continue growing.
The themes explored here become more existential, focusing on accepting my mind and the contradictions within it. There is a struggle with addiction, avoidance, and destructive patterns used as ways to escape difficult emotions. There is also the feeling of being trapped within yourself, unable to move forward because you are unable to see clearly.
During this period, I often felt emotionally disconnected, as if life had become grey. The darker circles dominate the more positive ones in this work, reflecting the difficulty I had connecting with the beauty and positivity around me. The things I used to escape these feelings could offer temporary relief, but they were never a real solution.
I struggled with the question of why I felt unhappy despite having so many reasons to be grateful. I grew up surrounded by love, stability, and opportunities, and I could not understand why I still felt lost. Eventually, I realised that happiness does not come only from having good circumstances, but also from creating direction for yourself. I needed to learn how to bring order into my own life, not to remove chaos completely, but to create a balance where I could actually grow.
I realised that I naturally gravitate towards chaos: exploring, changing, and challenging myself. Chaos allows me to grow and experience new things, but without order and the structure it provides, it can also leave me feeling lost. I need periods of order and stability to process what I learn and turn those experiences into growth.
Over time, I have learned that creating boundaries and a rhythm for myself gives me the stable foundation to understand what it is I need and set long term goals. Decisions that once overwhelmed me have become easier to face because I have a better understanding of what I am working towards. My thoughts and emotions, both positive and negative, are part of who I am, but they do not define me. My actions and choices do.
Although the content of this piece is dark, I do not think these feelings are unique to me. I believe everyone experiences moments of struggle and deals with them in their own way. For me, creating this work became a way to process these emotions. Visualising these thoughts allows me to acknowledge them, understand them, and accept them as part of a larger whole.
My mind can be difficult, impractical, and imperfect, but it is also creative and adaptable. The better I understand myself, the better I can continue to grow. After all, you cannot work on something you are unable to see and acknowledge.
Drowning In Circles - 2023
The fifth edition of the circle project continues the exploration of the struggles at the core of my being: the tendency to dwell in chaos, the difficulty with creating structure for myself, and the constant search for balance and a sense of identity in an ever-changing world.
This work focuses on the struggle to choose a direction and commit to it. I often find myself juggling many interests and ideas at once, questioning how to choose a purpose and path that will define my life. Working on this piece made me realise one of my deepest fears is stagnation: the fear of failing to grow, evolve, and reach my full potential.
With this comes the inability to fully appreciate what I have already achieved. I often focus so strongly on the next goal that I forget to acknowledge the progress I have already made. I have had to actively teach myself to recognise and celebrate my achievements, as this does not come naturally to me.
I realised that I often burn myself out from both sides. When I fail to create structure, I feel lost and frustrated by my lack of progress. But during periods of productivity, I can push myself too far and become consumed by the constant need to improve. Without balance, even growth can become destructive. The problem is that, in this way, everything I do needs a purpose. Even resting is done with an ulterior motive in mind.
In this artwork, I explored the literal feeling of drowning: the rising pressure, the weight of expectations, and the feeling of being overwhelmed by my own thoughts. It also reflects the way that, after all this time, I still try to escape these feelings instead of confronting them.
The piece also explores the conflict between personal authenticity and the external world. During my time in Dublin, Ireland, I struggled with finding my place within a corporate environment, feeling a growing distance between who I wanted to be and who I was becoming. I felt caught between wanting success and validation, while also questioning whether the system I was trying to succeed in aligned with my values.
Over time, I realised that the struggle went deeper than simply finding the right environment. I had spent so much time thinking about who I was supposed to be in the world, adapting myself to different expectations, trends, and company cultures, that I had slowly lost my own sense of identity. The things I could still clearly connect with were the simple but important parts of myself: drawing, reading fantasy, and my love for nature.
From this point onwards, I started prioritising these parts of myself more and allowing them to define who I am, rather than constantly measuring myself against the expectations of others. I also became more conscious of the relationships I formed. After years of mirroring myself to the needs and expectations of others, I had to learn to approach connections more carefully and think about whether they were genuinely healthy and meaningful.
This period was a very stressful one, where I felt myself slipping mentally. My inability to properly deal with these things in a healthy manner eventually contributed to burnout and forced me to take my own wellbeing more seriously.
Shattered Self Portrait - 2022
Part of the same exercise where I wanted to explore how I saw myself at the time, as someone who felt like they were breaking apart and struggling to acknowledge those feelings or understand why that was the case.
When I looked in the mirror, I often saw tired, sad eyes looking back at me, belonging to someone who did not like what they saw. Unkempt hair hidden under a beanie, a unkempt beard and a face I did not take care of. My self worth was low and I often felt undeserving of basic care, which made it difficult to motivate myself to do even simple things like showering, brushing my teeth, or maintaining basic grooming.
It became a cycle where neglect reinforced how I felt about myself and how I felt about myself reinforced the neglect.
These days, when I look in the mirror, I often catch myself smiling back. I see see the kind face of someone that is taking care of themselves, groomed and clean. A person that understands that care is not something to earn. It is something I am allowed to give myself.
Head In A Jar - 2021
This piece was created at the height of my weed addiction, during a period where the dissonance my behavior and the person I wanted to become was at its strongest. I would spend my days high, often smoking first thing in the morning and continuing throughout the day until I went back to bed. It created a kind of quiet bubble where I could escape my thoughts and worries.
At the same time, this lifestyle was isolating me from friends and family. I spent most of my time floating through the days, avoiding responsibility and retreating into drawing, reading and smoking. I was aware even then that this way of living was not sustainable, and that continuing down this path would limit my ability to build a stable future and grow as a person.
It felt similar to hitting the snooze button on life. You know you need to get up, but you keep choosing a little more comfort instead. That choice feels harmless in the moment, but staying there too long can lead to allow life to pass you by.
In the work, a narrow pathway rises in the background, supported by columns and arches. People journey upwards along it in different ways, alone or together, carrying burdens or resting along the way. It represents life and personal development and the ongoing effort that is required to grow.
In the foreground, I sit inside a glass jar, a self made enclosure, turned away from the path. Smoke from the joint fills the opening above me. At the time, I felt both unwilling and unable to see a way out of the situation I had created. The substance offered comfort and stillness, but also kept me stuck and disconnected.
A raven appears in the scene, as a reminder that taking distance is sometimes necessary, but complete disconnection can become dangerous. Looking back, I can see how quickly recreational substance use can shift into dependency when it becomes a coping mechanism, and how easily that slope can go unnoticed in the moment.
Split - 2024
This is a self portrait I made during a period when I was not feeling my best. It explores the same dissonance between who I felt like at the time and the person I wanted to become. I felt like I was tearing myself apart trying to feel better, but I kept hitting a wall. At the same time, it was an opportunity to practice sketching faces, something I had always avoided.
This was a period where, after a time of growth, I found myself facing another mental block. Feelings of discontent with myself and my direction in life became stronger, and the negative thoughts demanding change grew louder. My panic attacks became more frequent, making it difficult to go outside at times because I was afraid of experiencing one in public, creating a cycle that was difficult to break.
For me, this was very difficult because you desperately want to go outside and feel normal, but every time you step into the world you are worried and on edge that something might trigger an attack. Enclosed spaces in public transport, busy stores with long queues, loud noises and small rooms, places where I felt I could not escape easily. When you start fearing these things, your world can become very small very quickly.
Soon after finishing this drawing, I started seeing a therapist again and decided to try the antidepressants that had previously been offered to me. At the time of creating this piece, the medication was available to me, but the idea of needing pills to feel “normal” and be a “functioning” person was difficult to accept.
The hardest part was dealing with the feeling that something was fundamentally wrong with me and that I could not function without the help of these pills. The social stigma around mental health played a role in this as well, even though much of that pressure came from my own thoughts and expectations.
During this period, I spent a lot of time with myself and inside my own thoughts, so it felt natural to use myself as the subject. Sketching myself in this way and exploring the feeling of being mentally fragmented helped me recognize these emotions and give them a place.
